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Since I seem to be a person who posts songs that relate to the political horrors of the current world:

Lauren Marcus, "What It Really Cost You"

Unrelatedly, I relate to the fact that Paul Simon has 2 songs about thinking too much (or like one is a reprise?):

Paul Simon, "Think Too Much (a)"
Paul Simon, "Think Too Much (b)"

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 I guess John Craigie often takes not that hard universal things and makes them into songs that are simple and funny and also give feelings (e.g., "What Phase Is This" = everything changes).  "What Phase Is This" is definitely my favorite, but there's something to be said for "Lucky to Be Alive."
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Time is kind of baffling.  Like, I listen to "What Phase Is This" and think about the times and chronology of my life and things that should be obvious hit me again. Like, my best-friend-breakup happened before I had even started at Flying V.  And like,  we knew 'Michael in the Bathroom" together, but out of context, and then by the time the show happened it meant a lot more to me.  I'm thinking about this because I was writing a tumblr thing about how I don't ship Michael & Jeremy partially because it's really important to me, personally, that "Michael in the Bathroom" is about a friend breakup.  But also, like, I've been out of college for 5 years.  I don't even know if it seems like it's been longer or less long than that; college was just so separate a phase. I met Mike just a few weeks over 5 years ago, and I kind of feel l like I've known him forever.  But the fact that Nate and Kirsten (see, no ampersand) have been together for 10 years is just bizarre and makes me feel old.

I guess maybe that fact that the phase I'm currently in involves Flying V and Mike and Nate and Kirsten (I think the ampersand temptation is because for whatever reason Nate and Kirsten sounds way better than Kirsten and Nate), and there have been interim phases between the beginnings of those relationships and now, makes those things feel like they've been part of my life forever.  But then it's kind of weird that the 10 years feels so long, because Kirsten almost literally has been part of my life forever, and if I feel like I've known Mike longer than I have, should I feel like they've been together longer?   But maybe it's different because they've still been together less than half the time I've known Kirsten, and some of those years count extra because we spent so much time together.

This doesn't have to do with anything except it's by the same guy as "What Phase Is This?" 
John Craigie, "I Wrote Mr. Tambourine Man"
In some ways, this song reminds me of conversations I have with my work bestie Lou, because we (more so him) seem to say things that sound good but don't ultimately make much sense.  We can have lengthy, interesting conversations about things we may or may not have said just to say them, though.  And there are some great lines in here.  (I also like how much John Craigie writes about other music? I guess it kind of reminds me of "Doin' The Things That We Want To" / I Saw The Land Before Time II.)

(tbh I'm actually obsessed with this song.)
(out of 7 billion people, let the ones who don't love you go/ when the apocalypse is over, I hope you like your job/ain't it a shame, nobody sets anybody free anymore.)
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 Lil Dicky, "Save That Money"

Also just realized that I'm going to miss July's Super Doubles while I'm in Boston/camping.  Not that I don't have too much food as it is.
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Song I Thought I Understood and Definitely Thought Was More Positive and Less Political:
Ani Difranco, "Red Letter Year"

Like, seriously, why did I only remember the first stanza of lyrics?  It's pretty clear now that I'm listening.  I guess it was from a happier album for her, but it's sounding Bush-era to me right now.

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Fun fact, I had literally started a playlist with a song by a certain band and then the sexual assault allegations hit the spotlight and instead I got into an interesting conversation with Mike (who can't enjoy an Orson Scott Card book) about separating art from artist.  I can enjoy Orson Scott Card books, and I like Annie Hall and I generally just try not to give money to terrible people.  (But let's be real, I try to avoid giving money to most people unless I'm convinced they're gonna use it to make the world less terrible. Money is the worst.)

Anyways, I haven't decided how I feel about playlisting that particular song.  It's not, like, an important song for me, just something fun that I was feeling at that moment.  So probably I won't.  It's a little weird, though, because I had been actively trying to get into their stuff.  And it sucks that people can stand up for things you support and know cool people and then... how much does that matter if on a personal level, they do really awful things?  We used to talk a lot at Swat about sexual assault in the queer community, but I don't know that I've been aware of any "public figure" situations like this, although I easily could have missed them in the way that most of the world has missed this one (because most "public figures" in the queer community are very niche).

I don't really have a point.  It reminds me a little of a horror piece we have in Fights, which deals in some ways with the idea that you never really know what terrible things your neighbors might be doing just out of your range of perception.  And I guess it's a form of your-fave-is-problematic, but I think there's an extremely big difference between Amanda Palmer and Jason Webley pretending to be conjoined twins and rape.  (AFP has been sort of vague and noncommittal about this situation, but I don't totally blame her; I'm sure it's harder to believe accusations when they're against your friend, and it's also harder to say anything right when you're in the public eye and people are always looking to crucify you from one side or another.  It's also hard to fault her for supporting the truth and compassion, even as a cop-out, because I'd like more truth and compassion in the world.)

This evolved from what I thought it was going to be.

Humanity, man.  Sometimes I think my greatest contradiction is in misanthropy and compassion, but maybe it's like my weird inability to stay depressed, and I've never really been a misanthrope.
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Here's the question, you guys:

If a coupon, without doubling, covers the full price of the item, that means the manufacturer is covering the full price.  If the coupon doubles, the store's paying half, but when it doesn't, it's just the manufacturer, which also pays the store handling (and pays for the costs of producing the item). Presumably, the store wouldn't put the item on sale for a price that isn't higher than what they paid the manufacturer.  (Right? Especially not for a sale that doesn't have a limit or a minimum purchase requirement, so it's not presented as a lure-you-into-the-store deal?) So, presumably, the manufacturer would lose money on the situation in which a non-doubled coupon covers the sale price, right?  Right? 

It doesn't really matter, but I feel like this might be a circumstance in which I might not be uncomfortable with eating chicken.  [I'm talking about an item containing chicken, not straight-up chicken, which may only be a psychological difference, but it is one.] But I'm also not sure, because if they're selling more of an item, they might stock more, which is paying the manufacturer? But I guess if the store buys one for every one the manufacturer pays for, that still comes up even.



May. 20th, 2017 10:17 pm
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I used to be vaguely friends with my roommates.  I picked Abigail up from the Metro a bunch of times and from a distant airport in the middle of the night, and we had a couple movie nights; Terry would interrupt a Skype call to tell me something about Pokemon and I gave him a shitton of hair gel.  It was pretty good.  Then they started more or less ignoring me, and they got closer to each other, and that's fine.  Now apparently Terry's pissed that I left dirty dishes in the sink for a while, because when I'm only home between 1 and 8 am and I'm barely able to manage to maintain reasonable levels of food, sleep, and hygiene, dishes aren't my top priority.  Now I know I should leave my dirty dishes in my room instead, I guess.  My dishes haven't been the only ones in the sink in ages, and I take out the trash almost every week (i.e. no one else does so I do it because otherwise it won't happen) so I didn't think it was a big deal.  And now I'm wasting a little time I have home before 1am feeling shitty about it.  I have a headache and I haven't showered or done any of the things I need to do in my life besides eat dinner and do laundry.  I haven't had a full day off since April 29 (which I spent at a march) and most days I've been working ~14 hours.  Can no one give me a teensy break?  But I have to keep living with these people and I don't want to move (/definitely don't have time for that shit now) and relationship damage is relationship damage.  They used to find me entertaining or something.  I don't know.  They used to seem to like me.  I don't know what I did that I'm not doing now, but I bet I don't have time for it.
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 Today we're working on a piece that is based around livejournal posts.  (I'm posting this to dreamwidth, but it x-posts to lj anyway.)  Apparently the angsty teen experience of the '00s is epitomized by lj.  I don't think my lj was ever very angsty, but I know people's whose were.  Anyway, it's gonna be good times.
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 Everything is rehearsal. I'm excited about a lot of things about this show, and this devising process is unlike anything I've done, so my relationship to this show it going to be a new one. We watch a lot of stuff, but this is a pretty great music video and also a dangerously catchy song.  

Miike Snow, "Genghis Khan"

(This is pretty much entirely about the video and secondarily catchiness, but when I was thinking about that, I started thinking about the lyrics.  Now I'm finding it kind of interesting that, while in does play into a sort of normal/normally squicky to me idea of possessiveness/jealousy, it does so while explicitly acknowledging that acting that way is "selfish" and "obscene." He categorizes it as Genghis Khan behavior, which seems to potentially imply uneven expectations of monogamy, which goes further into the potentially sexist territory, but also -- to make assumptions about how the singer feels about Genghis Khan -- seems to recognize that it's backwards, irrational, and not really healthy, but still the way he feels.  Which I can appreciate.  Sometimes we need to acknowledge the things we feel even if we know they're problematic or unhealthy.  And I did my fair share of glamorizing possessive/jealous behavior in my day.  I don't know if the overall effect glamorizes it or not, but I think it's ultimately slightly more interesting than the vapid pop jealousy I initially read it as.)
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 I seem to have more hours in the day now that I'm in rehearsal.  I don't have time to cook, I sleep less, and I don't have as much time for hygiene; I'm not doing some of my normal Flying V stuff because this take precedence. But, I should learn something from this.  I can get things done in the evenings to a much greater degree than I normally do.  And maybe I need to do more pre-cooking.  Like, ASAP, but also in general.

If my roommates have a problem with I-don't-have-time-to-wash-my-dishes, they can complain in the slivers of time when I'm home and awake (and not in the shower).  Wee!  But actually, it's fun, and I'm actually getting less worried about the stress.  I'm gonna miss my Skype dates and my friends though.

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Billy Bragg, "Waiting for the Great Leap Forward" (Other people who should write the score for my cyborg Woody Guthrie musical include Billy Bragg. Probably the most obvious choice for the Woody Guthrie side, less so for the cyborg.)

Because playlists making sense is overrated, Macy Gray, "I Try"
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My dreamwidth transfer is still in process.  I don't know how the exodus is gonna go, but I figure I"lll be ready.

When you think of a Dust Bowl-era folk hero in general, or of Woody Guthrie in that context, what images comes to mind?  I think of someone walking off into vast empty spaces.  Maybe with a bindle (I had to look up that word).  I think of riding the rails.  I think of a man alone, which isn't great for a play.  But there are all sorts of encounters on the way.  Oh gods, I don't want to do the Odyssey structure, though. #nocoldmountainforme

I think of cheerfulness in the face of all obstacles, which is a big contrast for me with the other rural Dust Bowl associations of Grapes of Wrath.  Comradery among the downtrodden, maybe songs around a campfire.  But also aimless, rootless, and a little selfless.  Beholden to no one but eager to help and to share.  But these are not images nor particularly useful at this point.
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I've done a lot of music that's still relevant, but not as much the stuff that's actually current and directly in response.
It's interesting how things seem to get folkier when it comes to immediate responses to current events, or at least the ones that cross my path.  There's something to be said for a good, old-fashioned protest song.

John Craigie, "The Silver Lining of Trump as President"
Iris DeMent, "We Won't Keep Quiet"
Jill Sobule, "Our America Back"
Greg Brown, "Trump Can't Have That"
[Future-Zan acknowledges this huge oversight: Jenny Owen Youngs, "Prophecy Girl"] (yes, it's from Buffering the Vampire Slayer, but you've all seen Buffy and even if you haven't there aren't spoilers.)

(To be fair to other genres, Green Day, "Troubled Times"
Fiona Apple, "Tiny Hands")

(And, in honor of my therapist, I'm gonna take a moment to recognize that even since my most recent bout of political nausea, a few good things have happened. Of course, the fact that these things are set up in the first place is... well.  The fight is long.  But it is being fought.)  (The thing is, every time a good thing happens, a worse thing happens.)I'm trying. I am. )
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Lauren: Hey. Um. This is kind of weird -- but do you ever wonder how many times your life is gonna end?

Schultz: Uh... I'm not sure I know what / you...

Lauren: Like how many people you're... like how many times your life is gonna totally change and then, like, start all over again? And you'll feel like what happened before wasn't real and what's happening now is actually...

Schultz: Uh... I don't know.  I guess I feel like my life is pretty real.

(There was a time when I thought it would be a good idea to remix scenes with lyrics or bits of songs and I bet you can guess what song would go in this one.)
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Le Tigre, "New Kicks"

Green Day, "American Idiot"

Ani DiFranco, "Grand Canyon"

Patti Smith Group, "Citizenship"

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"Nothing's ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate. Who to trust. It's just, like, the more I know, the more confused I get."
"I believe that's called growing up."
"I'd like to stop then, okay?"

"I know the feeling."
"Does it ever get easy?"

"You mean life?"
"Yeah. Does it get easy?"
"What do you want me to say?"
"Lie to me."

(Buffy & Giles)
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I'm not sure if I need a project I actually want to do that's not hard, or if I need to convince myself that the projects I want to do aren't hard.  I just keep being paralyzed by things.
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I've been talking about turning 27 for months, because my existential crises can't be contained.  But here I am.

Don't ask me how I'm choosing songs.  I might change them because I wish I'd taken more time with this.

Janis Joplin, "Ball & Chain"
The Doors, "The Severed Garden"
Jimi Hendrix, "Purple Haze" (I feel like in this version, it sounds more like "this guy" than usual.)
Nirvana, "The Man Who Sold The World"  (I know I should at least pick something he wrote, but I just wanted to do this one.  According to Wikipedia, Kathleen Hanna actually said "smells like Teen Spirit" to him pre-the song. But I am not educated enough in Nirvana to know what is Cobain at his most riot grrrl.)
The Rolling Stones, "She's A Rainbow"
Amy Winehouse, "Tears Dry On Their Own"

Righteous Brothers, "Rock 'n Roll Heaven"
John Craigie, "28" (Yeah, so, I probably wouldn't be including this if it either weren't in the 27 Club Wikipedia article or if he didn't do "What Phase Is This." But it also reminds me that they didn't die on their 27th birthdays, so I'm still younger than they were for now.)
Amanda Palmer, "Bottomfeeder"
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So, folks.  I am emotionally and physically exhausted (may have sat in the aisle on the Metro because there was a chance my legs would literally give out), but now I am finally in my bed with a bowl of soup and some fries, and here is what I am spitting out if my head about a thing that is big and beautiful and far from about me, but here is what I am learning.

-I missed the rally because I was too afraid to strike out alone.*  Mike says you couldn't really hear and he missed the Indigo Girls too, but I needn't have feared striking out alone.  You're not alone when you're in a crowd of people who love and value the same things, and who are there to stand together.  (I eventually did strike out alone, when people were done marching before I was, and the crowd felt great alone.  I think one thing I should work on in my life is when I know what I want to do but seek others' permission to do it.  Yes, I rarely know what I want, but when I do know what I want, why can't I trust myself?  Luckily, the people I ask usually pick up on what I want and say the right thing.)  I didn't see any celebrities in the crowd, either, although it seems from Twitter that JoCo and Joss Whedon and others were just marching alongside us regular folks.  But I saw a lot of fierce, dedicated people, banding together with love and determination and anger.

-I brought a good amount of snacks (although I ended up giving most of them to a homeless man) but in the future, more water.  Or at least accept an extra bottle being distributed, because the bottle I brought might have been full when I passed the bottled watter people, but by the end, I was swallowing my own throat on a very long Metro ride.

-Download some offline maps.  Come on, you could have figured that out.  Although following random people on the street generally worked well.

-How come there is always a Starbucks there, except when I really want one?  When you're thirsty and hungry and tired and in possession of a Starbucks gift card, there should definitely be a Starbucks on the way to the Metro.

-SO MANY PEOPLE.  SO MUCH TIME SPENT ON THE METRO. My back hurts and my legs ache and I almost fell asleep on my feet.  And also, note to self, when some guy offers you his seat on the Metro and you're close to collapsing, that is actually a really good time to say yes, thank you.  You don't have to say no, you're fine, if you're not quite fine.

-Also, I just have SO MANY FEELINGS.  I almost cried when I pulled up to the Metro and saw the sea of people there.  I almost cried when little girls on the Metro were discussing their favorite protest signs ("Love trumps hate," because it had hearts, and "Keep your laws off my body," on which she had traced her hands).  I almost cried at a lot of things.  And then I think about how this doesn't change what we're up against, and I want to cry a different kind of tears.  But the Metro conductor on the way home thanked us for what we were doing, and that makes me want to cry too.  Because we were doing something, and I was part of that, and we were doing it for all the people who couldn't be there and for each other, because none of us could do it without each other.  And there was so much love there, so much diversity (in so many of its forms), and so much support for each other.  This kind of thing is how the Tea Party started, and there were a lot more of us than there were of them at the beginning.  So who knows.  Maybe all won't be lost.

*The upside here is I got to catch up with Mary, whom I haven't seen in ages and whom I was not expecting to see at the March.  It was pretty great to see her.  If you include Friday, when I was able to catch Jackie for some quality time, I spent time with 3 of my favorite people (2 of whom don't live around here) and I didn't die in a ditch, although in retrospect, the assurance from Nate and Kirsten (is it better without an ampersand?) that they would come save me if I were to die in a ditch doesn't make much sense.

(If you're curious about counterprotests, I saw a grand total of 2 people in Trump paraphenalia, and probably 5-10 anti-choice protestors, who were not hostile at least as we marched by them.)
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